kandy.net | analytically overanalyzed

I have nothing to say when I don’t have anything to complain about.

I’ve been smiling so much, my face hurts. I am looking forward to everything.

This year is already my favorite year. 2008, I’m a quarter of a century old. Is this when I finally start to calm down and learn how to enjoy things? Cause that’s how I’m feeling. Couldn’t be more carefree. And the days just keep getting better.

I think I’ve found my perfect match. I am so damn pleased and content and fulfilled, you could puke in my face and I wouldn’t care.

Here’s to short posts.

I am the most awesome girl you will ever meet.

And now that I know the tricks of a con artist, you can’t fuck with me.

There was a time when I was just dying to move back to Memphis. But I was in school and by the time I was out of school, I had gotten pretty relaxed and more comfortable and all-around lazy.

Then, there was that time I considered moving to Florida because a bunch of my cousins moved there, but I’ve been there before and I didn’t really like Florida. I’m a Northerner at heart. Besides, Florida is for old people. I’m not that old. Yet.

So then, I thought about moving to Boston since Rebecca moved there and needed a roommate. But I thought it’d be a good idea to visit instead of just up and move, like I did here. Glad I did go visit, because while her apartment was pretty awesome, I didn’t really like the city and it was way too expensive. Rebecca ended up moving to New York anyway.

Then, there was more of a fantasy to move to Chicago with my ex and meet up with Lacy since she was considering it too. Now she’s planning to move to New York also. And well the other part was just a stupid idea that I’m glad didn’t happen.

I did entertain the idea of New York since so many friends are there or will be soon. But I don’t think I was cut out for sooo much city. So that idea died pretty fast.

What if Omaha is just perfect for me? That one stupid chance I took, ended up being the best thing I could have ever done for myself? What if I settled here, would I feel cheated? I don’t think I’ve lived enough places to know where I want to be yet. And there’s always that curiosity in the back of my head. Now, I can’t see myself ever moving back to Memphis, when I wanted to so bad in the past. You never know how things will change.

Even though I haven’t taken any risks or chances since, I still feel like I made good choices. It’s fun to fantasize about throwing caution to the wind and getting out of this place. It’s fun to change your surroundings more than just rearranging the furniture once a month. But who knows if I will ever do it, I talk a big game. And I can always see myself coming back here, if I did move away.

I might be stuck in a rut, but it’s the good kind. Because things are still changing for the better. I might have no plans whatsoever, but I’m going in the right direction.

I have a newfound appreciation for this life. And I’ve learned how to cut out all the bullshit.

I once had a girl, or should I say, “She once had me”?
She showed me her room. Isn’t it good Norwegian wood!
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere.
So, I looked around and I noticed there wasn’t a chair.

I sat on her rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
We talked until two, and then she said “It’s time for bed.”
She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her I didn’t and crawled off to sleep in the bath.

And when I awoke I was alone: This bird had flown.
So, I lit a fire. Isn’t it good Norwegian wood!

I’ve decided what I want to be when I grow up.

I want a little house right on the bay somewhere on the east coast. Preferrably New Jersey, of course. It will be located five minutes from the beach. It will have a front porch to lounge and watch passerbys. Of course, the mailman and my neighbors will be my best friends.

I will have a very worn in, very comfy recliner to sit in and watch old movies and cartoons. I’ll have a bedroom for me and a couple extra rooms for my grandchildren to stay in, when they come to visit. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean I want any kids, it just means that I want grandchildren when I am old. However that is possible, so be it. And I will keep my freezer stocked with a variety of flavors of Klondike bars for when they come.

A back porch to watch the water waves. I will have a strawberry garden and a tomato garden in the backyard. They will be on either side of the walk way, leading out to the dock on the bay. Where I will sit in the sun, listen to Otis Redding songs, and feed the seagulls the part of the loaf of bread that I can never finish. Attached to the dock will be my mid-sized boat, that I will take out on cruises in the Atlantic. And get terribly sunburnt and not care, because it will only turn into a gorgeous tan and I will be tan year round. Or maybe even take it out to go fishing sometimes, early in the morning. Of course, only for catch and release purposes. I will even teach my grandchildren how to drive the boat. Those imaginary grandchildren.

I won’t need a car, because everything will be within walking distance. Including the beach. Did I mention that the beach will be five minutes away? Because it will. That’s five minutes, walking. In case you were wondering.

And maybe I could buy and own an ice cream store on the boardwalk. Hire someone awesome and dedicated to run it and I will only ever have to go there to eat my own ice cream and enjoy the scenery.

This truly sounds like the best life ever to me.

I can’t help but wonder about missed opportunities and what could have been instead of what was.

If only I had known any better. If only I hadn’t had my head stuck so far up my ass.

My birthday last night was awesome. More fun to be had this weekend. All weekend long. Come join me.

I still need to go to the DMV to get my new license before Thursday!! I’ve just been so busy at work lately, it’s almost impossible to leave forever in the middle of everything or leave early at the end of the day. I am definitely making time to go today!

I need to go get my eyes checked and get new glasses. My glasses keep falling off my face whenever I look down. And I really need new contacts. I don’t even know how old this pair is and I don’t have any replacements left.

I am so irresponsible.

I swear I’m going to join the gym someday. But with this nice weather coming around, I kind of want to just dust off my bike.

I am strangely, overly optimistic and full of grins.

How are my readers/friends/family?

Somedays, I feel like damaged goods. And my best years are behind me.

The only passion I have is towards making mistakes.

My best proven method of getting over an ex is to live well. But after that, try and be friends with them. You should still have some amount of respect for each other, you did love the person. And then you can be reminded of all the reasons you didn’t work out and all the annoying habits they have that you don’t have to put up with anymore. And can say good riddance to that. It might seem dumb, but it helps my getting over it process.

Even though I loved him for a year, my ex is not worth any amount of respect or being friends with. And would actually be harmful to me if I tried to do so. Holding on to this anger is not helping me at all. I don’t know what else to do.

I just need somebody to love.